I have been struggling to find a way to word-smith it, but for the last 4 days anxiety has taken control of my days.
That sounds like harsh words to begin a post. Why should I write it? I don’t quite know, maybe I need an outlet, maybe I just want to get this off my chest in a way that I can step back and digest what’s happening.
I have not been able to find the cause or trigger but at moments I’ve been absolutely paralyzed, shaking, bewildered.
Anxiety creeps in when you lose sight of future hope and instead of placing this hope on some solid ground you forget what you’re aiming for – so you wander and so do your emotions, thoughts and quite honestly every fiber of your body.
What is the opposite of anxiety? Dictionaries will say calmness, confidence, self-control. My heart would say trust, courage and hope.
Many are lost in hopelessness, many are lost in anxiety. Maybe I’ve fallen into that trap, maybe I’ve missed the target of where my hope lies. Every day I feel raided with battles for my attention, my decisions, my words, my hope. I live in a world where hopelessness is the norm, the new norm as they call it. Grace has been removed, brokeness is not a virtue anymore. Citizenship stands above eternal identities.
Anxiety might be winning this week, but I want to keep on believing that hope will endure, it will be renewed, she is not one to be taken down so easily.
So here is a cry from the dark streets of my heart: where are you – hope of my heart? I need you today and even more so tomorrow.
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